Wording sample
In this sample, we look at legalistic language that is hard to read and even harder to understand. Let's see how plain English can help.
If you'd like a sample edit of your work, we'd be happy to quote on a trial project. Please contact us.
This is a real letter from a solicitor to someone who just bought their first home.
Dear Sir/Madam
Enclosed is this firm's Statement of Fees and Disbursements which have been paid in full from settlement monies and two (2) additional financial statements in respect to the matter for your perusal. If you have any queries with regard to any of the matters raised therein, please do not hesitate to contact the undersigned.
It is suggested that you retain a copy of this documentation in the event that it should ever be required for taxation purposes or for your future reference.
Subject to receipt of your queries (if any), this would appear to complete the matter and accordingly, we now take this opportunity to thank you for engaging us to assist you with this important transaction.
It features all the usual suspects:
Complex words
Long sentences
Pointless padding
Passive verbs
Minimal pronouns
Detached voice
What is the main message for the reader?
And how could we make it clearer?
1 Use simple words
Simplify any words that have a shorter option with the same meaning.
Count syllables if you need to. The fewer you have, the more readable your text will be.
monies
perusal
therein
retain
documentation
taxation
receipt
accordingly
assist
transaction
2 Get rid of the filler
Weed out the little phrases that hide your message.
Hint: You never, ever need phrases like 'in relation to'.
in respect to
with regard to
any of the matters
do not hesitate
a copy of
in the event that
would appear to
we now take this
opportunity
3 Be human
Avoid 'Sir/Madam', which is neither friendly nor inclusive.
Ideally, use the recipient's first name.
Don't hide behind passive verbs.
Sir/Madam
this firm's
the undersigned
it is suggested
Here's our version of the letter.
Simpler words
Shorter sentences
Concise language
Active verbs
Regular pronouns
Engaging voice
Dear Sam
I'm enclosing 3 financial statements, including our Statement of Costs. Money from settlement paid us in full, so you don't need to take action.
We suggest you keep this paperwork for your taxes and reference.
Please contact us if you have any questions. Otherwise, we wish you well in your new home. Thank you for letting us help you with this important purchase.